It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
