i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
