You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
it glows. i had to have it.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
