That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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