I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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