Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
