Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
