Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
