You really coming over, don't trick.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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