it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
