haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Randomize
