her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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