2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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