When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
