Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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