I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
