Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Sorry about my life...
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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