How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Randomize
