so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
