if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
