i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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