It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
