our cab driver is having phone sex.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
