once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
