I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
