you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
