so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
