our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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