True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
