so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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