if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
