What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
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