I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
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