OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
