I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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