Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
