sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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