1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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