He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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