So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
