Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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