The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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