Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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