we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Just pee around me
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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