there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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