He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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