I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
