He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
