My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
