Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
