I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
