He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
